Category Archives: Faith

All things faith related.

The Truth About Boundaries in a Cancel Culture

Creating boundaries is all the rage these days. In the name of self-care, people say no to events, obligations, and even people (COVID aside).

This may sound all well and good, but as my husband recently pointed out when we discussed this very topic, “boundaries” have all too often become a euphemism for “canceling.”

Maybe since Valentine’s Day is near I should be focused on something more lovey-dovey than the way society has commandeered the meaning of boundaries, but…well, here we are.

Before I go any further, please hear this. I am in no way, shape, or form saying that creating strict boundaries with people is always bad. In cases of abuse or other extreme circumstances, please do separate yourself and get the help you need. Sometimes reconciling isn’t in the cards—I totally get that. But often, in regular circumstances (whatever that means), it is.

Cancel culture is all around us, and it extends well beyond politics and into personal relationships, although the practice is the same.

You don’t agree with my political candidate? I can’t talk to you ever again. You’re cancelled.

You dared to protest the most recent social issue? You just don’t get it. Cancelled.

You dared not to protest the most recent issue? You clearly don’t get it. Cancelled.

Something needs to change.

When the topic of setting healthy boundaries first entered my world a handful of years ago, I was all for it. At the time I was in the middle of raising and homeschooling three very young children and helping plant a church. It seemed there wasn’t one spare second in the day to call my own, which didn’t sit well with my mental health. I’m an introverted gal who craves me-time like chocolate.

When I started functioning more like a robot and less like a human, I finally read a book on setting prayerful, healthy boundaries, and it was super freeing. I totally encourage this sort of intentional boundary-setting. My entire family grew healthier because of it.

What I didn’t do was cut people and things out of my life based on what would make life easiest and happiest for me. In my boundary-setting, the focus wasn’t ME. My new focus was allowing God to guide my time and commitments. He loves to help people do that, by the way.

It saddens me to watch people today hijacking the word “boundary” to instead mean “cancel.” It saddens me to watch families split apart because of ultimatums and hard hearts; an unwillingness to look beyond one’s self to see the bigger picture.

The word “sacrifice” has nearly become a dirty word, and social media all too often cheers people on in these selfish behaviors. Why would I sacrifice anything for someone else if I could just cut them out of my life? Why would I put forth the effort it takes to reconcile relationships that don’t serve me the way I desire?

Because that’s what we’re called to do.

As Christians, we are called to serve others (1 Peter 4:10). We are called to forgive (Colossians 3:13). We are called to love everyone, including our enemies (Luke 6:27-28). We are called to share the gospel (Romans 10:14-15).

Here’s the Jessie-paraphrase: We are called to get over ourselves for the sake of others.

Admittedly, most of these callings do not come without struggle. So, what then? Do we cut these things out of our lives because they’re too hard? Or do we press on with the strength of Jesus, letting him guide us and carry our burdens as we go?

In the world of politics and in a society filled with strong opinions on all sorts of issues, sometimes we just can’t seem to win. Somebody, somewhere is ready to cancel (or set a “boundary” with) us as soon as we open our mouths.

Instead, what if we did whatever was in our power to find common ground and encourage reconciliation? What if we agreed to disagree without entirely writing off the other person? What if we tried speaking and listening with peace, holding onto the humble and forgiving notion that maybe, just maybe, none of us has it all figured out. There’s always more to learn and ways to grow in understanding.

If enough of us lived that way, our world just may be rocked. But it’s not something we can accomplish alone. Nope, we need lots of grace and strength from our Creator in order to march on, doing our best to show Jesus to the world through our lives.

Dear God,

Relationships can be so challenging. Please help us strive for peace, being willing to speak in love, ready to forgive, and willing to serve, rather than doing what’s easy. Where others have cut us out of their lives and we feel deeply wronged, wrap us in your comfort—the peace that truly does surpass all understanding. Help our hearts stay open to reconciliation where appropriate as you work in the hearts of all involved. We crave your mighty works in our relationships, Lord. Make the impossible possible, and give us strength to follow your example even in the storm. Thank you for being good all the time. Thank you that we can trust you with our lives and the lives of our families and friends. Thank you that your purposes are higher than we can see. Amen.

Thank you for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences on the matter of boundaries—just drop me a comment below!

And if you haven’t already claimed yours, I’d love to send you a Seven Day Prayer Guide for Parents, which is FREE just for signing up to receive new posts and updates (which usually occur 1-2x/month). Just enter your email in the sign-up box (either to the side or to the bottom of the page)!

Why Jesus? A Blessedly Short Post…

At the risk of adding to the noise of the season, I wanted to say Merry Christmas and share a brief encouragement. I’ll keep it short, but make sure to stick with me until the end—I’m going to share something that I hope will make you laugh. 🙂

It’s been a hard year for many people in many ways, so let me first just say well done. Well done tackling this year, with all it’s ups and downs, and moving forward. Twenty twenty-one is approaching, waving flags of hope, change, and new opportunities. We’re almost there.

Like you, I’m looking forward to a new year, but keep in mind…hope, change, and new opportunities are ours for the taking here and now, even still in 2020. As Christmas rapidly approaches, I’m once again blown away by all God has done to reach down and love us. But why Jesus?

Immanuel. Immanuel literally means God with us.

God WITH us.

GOD with US.

Mind-blowing whichever way you slice it. God loves us so much that he came to us as a human to demonstrate his desperate love for us in a tangible way. He loves us and wanted a relationship with us so badly that he became sin, sacrificing himself in our place. Making us clean in this way created a way for us imperfect people to live eternally alongside an utterly good and perfect God, who is so holy he cannot be in the presence of evil. Cue Jesus. Thanks to him, we now fit the bill. That’s why Jesus.

That’s powerful love. Immanuel—God with us.

I pray you are filled with joy and gratefulness this Christmas as we celebrate the beginning of God’s master plan of salvation, but I know it can be a difficult season for many. I’d love to pray for you. Just leave a comment, or if you’re a subscriber you can simply reply to this email with your prayer requests, and I’ll be honored to lift you and your needs up to our mighty Creator and Savior.

Before I go, just for fun I want to share a video that has made my family and me laugh out loud multiple times over the past few years. Maybe you’ve already seen it, but either way, I hope it brings some laughter to your day. Here is: Christmas According to Kids…

Increase Gratitude by Checking Your Habitude

I’ll admit, when I first heard the word “habitude” from my pastor recently, I thought he’d made it up. Did you know habitude is a real word? Well it is, and here’s what it means: a habitual tendency or way of behaving. Basically our attitude habits. (Go figure, right?)

Thanksgiving is upon us and it’s been a crazy year. Even the most naturally optimistic of us might have developed some…uh…not-so-optimistic attitudes over the course of 2020. But it’s time to change our habitudes; time to line them up with God’s perspective.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says,

                “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

Your first response might be one of resistance. Surely he can’t honestly mean we should be thankful in ALL circumstances, right? What about the death of a loved one? A lost job? An estranged relationship? What about the sadness that comes with life-long holiday traditions being changed for the first time? What is there to be thankful for in the depths of difficulty?

My answer is this: God doesn’t list exceptions, he says all. He wants us to express gratitude regardless of our situations. In a recent sermon on gratitude my pastor explained it something like this: We have our nose to the billboard of life. How much of the big picture can we see with our nose against the billboard? A few square inches at best? We can’t see the whole picture right now, but we believe through faith and scripture that God is working out our difficulties for our good and for his glory.

What I’m certainly not trying to say is that we should be happy about all the hard things. Of course there’s a time for mourning, grief, and sadness; we’re only human, and even Jesus himself felt these emotions. But as Christians with the added benefit of the Holy Spirit, we don’t have to be defeated by our circumstances. We can grieve and mourn while praising God for his blessings and goodness at the same time. Does that sound like a contradiction? I don’t believe it is.

So what can we find to be thankful for when hard times surround us? I suggest you get some good old-fashioned paper and make a list.

Laughter. Food. Family and friends. Provision. Books. Space heaters. Facetime and Zoom. The way God turns bad things into good. Church, even when it is online. That’s just the start of mine. You’ll have plenty of your own, I’m sure, once you stop to think about it.

Writing down the things you’re grateful for has power. It makes them seem more real and gives you a reminder every time you see it.

Philippians 2:14 says this,

                “Do everything without complaining or arguing…”

Sorry/not sorry for this last verse. Sometimes the last thing we want to do in such an unfair world is to give up complaining. Complaining is our way of expressing to others just how hard we have it; we’re fishing for understanding and sympathy whether we know it or not. But guess what. Everybody else has their own things to complain about, so we’re probably not getting very far on the sympathy train.

What if we all did an experiment? What if, this week specifically, we all tried to eliminate complaining from our vocabulary? What if we took every negative thought captive and replaced it instead with a gratitude? We have much to be thankful for, even if we have to dig deep to find it.

If we can deliberately take note of our negative attitudes, we can deliberately transform them into positivity. We can change our habitudes with God’s direction and strength to help us. Imagine what this unnatural 2020 holiday season could look like if we did just that.

Who’s in?

*****

Quick update from my neck of the woods. I attended the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference virtually last week and was humbled that my novel, POWER UP, won a second place Selah Award (these awards recognize excellent writing in the Christian market). Equally exciting, my current historical romance manuscript won second place in the Foundations Awards (which recognize excellent writing specifically by conference attendees). I can’t even begin to tell you how much of my heart and soul have gone into these projects, so it was a thrilling night, to say the least. Thanks to each of you for your support! Praying you have a blessed Thanksgiving week!

Listening to Our Kids is Important -How to Listen Well

I am SO excited to share today’s super relevant words of wisdom by middle grade author Meghan E. White. Meghan is a Christ-follower, homeschooling mom, and a sweet friend. In her novel, Joey Flynn’s Extraordinary Tale, an eleven-year-old boy moves to a new state and encounters all sorts of exciting and unexpected adventures as he learns to trust God. My son absolutely loved this book (sequel, Meghan??), and I’m sure your kids will too. Show her some love by checking it out here and following here online (links at the end). Okay, now on to Meghan’s encouragement for Christian parents, or really anyone with kids in their lives…

Don’t touch that!

Keep your hands to yourself.

Clean your room.

Do your homework

Do your chores.

Brush your teeth.

Wake up.

Go to bed.

Time to go.

Say you’re sorry.

Say thank you.

Do this.

Do that.

Don’t do this.

Don’t do that.

From the time our children are born until they leave our homes, we give them so many directions, orders, and instructions. It’s all part of the parenting gig. These tiny humans are our responsibility. We want functioning, contributing members of society. There’s a lot of pressure on moms and dads.

Christian parents want our children to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. So we take them to church, and teach them the word, and how to pray, and how to walk out following Jesus. More pressure. Thankfully we are not doing any of this alone. Christians have the Holy Spirit living inside, guiding us, and reminding us of all truth.

In the middle of all the teaching, guiding, and disciplining, it’s imperative to listen to our kids. We are so busy filling them up, which is essential, that we can lose sight of who they are. Our children are individuals. Made in the image of God. They may physically look like us, but they are God’s children first and foremost. It’s really hard to keep that in check.

When my boys were babies I felt so protective of them. God designed that instinct in parents. That’s a good thing. The negative side of that protective feeling is thinking our kids are ours alone. Our children belong to God, and we need to daily hand them back over to Him. I know, I know, not easy to do. When we hand our precious babies and big kids back over to God it frees us up. The load gets lighter. God loves our children more than we do.

Now that we’ve handed our kids over to God, we can be better listeners. Every single person wants to be heard. Our kids are no exception.

Listening to our kids is important.

  • It builds their confidence.

This world would love nothing more than to take our kids, chew them up, and spit them out. Our children’s confidence comes from who they are in Christ. The more they know that what they say matters, the more confident they will be to speak up against evil.

  • It builds our relationship with them.

 Our kids need to know that we are a safe place for them. That we love them no matter what they say or do. If we refuse to listen, or shut them out, they will not open up to us.

  • It builds their relationship with God.

Kids learn how to relate to God as they learn how to relate to us. If they know they can safely come to us with absolutely anything, they will be more likely to come to the perfect Father, God, with anything as well.

How to Listen to our kids.

  • Create a relaxed environment.

Hang out with your kids. If they are little, get on the floor and play with them. If they are teenagers, listen along to the music they like. You have to spend time in their world with the things they enjoy, even if you don’t like the same things.

  • Ask lots of questions.

This is your child’s chance to tell you some things, instead of you telling them. Let them be the expert on whatever the subject is, favorite toy, band, sport, etc. Ask them about what they are really excited about. Listen.

  • Remain calm if they say something shocking.

If you want your kids to feel safe talking to you then you can’t freak out on whatever they tell you. Listen first. If it’s something really controversial like from a teenager, just stay calm before you respond. Be honest. Pray before you speak.

We can’t force our kids to share with us. But we can create a home and family environment where they feel safe sharing.

Father God is safe. He lets us come freely to Him with anything, and everything. We need to show that same unconditional love to our children.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

James 1:19, NIV

Love you all,

Meghan

Thank you for reading my post!

Followmy bloghttps://meghanewhite.blog

Email me meghanewhiteauthor@gmail.com

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter/meghan_e_white

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meghan_e_white/

Raising Empowered Kids: 3 Practical Tips

I’m so excited to be featured as a guest blogger this week for Meghan E White! Meghan is a fellow Christ follower, homeschool mom, and middle grade author, and our blogs serve similar purposes–to inspire and encourage others in their walks with God.

If you could use some rejuvenation in your parenting, hop on over to her blog now to find my new post, Raising Empowered Kids! (And while you’re at it, dive in to the rest of her posts and find yourself a bit more motivated and inspired than you were before.)

I’d love to keep in touch! If you haven’t already, sign up with your email and you’ll receive a printable of my top ten favorite verses and quotes! Thanks for reading and have wonderful week! 🙂